Not on the Market

So, someone walked up to me today and she told me that she was getting married. This was a friend that I’d known since middle school and she’d know the boy since high school. I looked at her and while my face showed excitement, my heart screamed out to her “don’t do it! It’s a trap!” Speaking from experience, of course, and my abundance of marriage knowledge.

Later that day, she told me that even though I wasn’t really dating anyone right now, I’ve probably already met the person I’m going to marry. She also said that by age 16, 80% of people have already met the person they’re going to marry. Well, listen here, Girl Scout, I’m not buying your cookies. There’s no way that’s true. Let’s think about this for a minute. By age 16 and I’m 23, now? I don’t think so…

There’s Jim. We go to the gym together. Funny, I know. But I met him there one day, I was running on the treadmill and he thought that it would be smooth to come up behind me and check. Out. My behind. No, no, no, Jim, that’s not very nice. And while we had coffee once in the lounge area, thanks for spending that $0.75 on the K-cup for me, and the conversation was semi-intelligent, I don’t think I would want to marry you.

Well, there’s always Max. There’s a good man. But he’s 34 with two kids and I think my father would him through a wall before he let him marry me. But he’s always been a gentleman. We met at my niece’s dance recital. His daughter was in it, too. We got to talk during intermission and we ended up exchanging information. Now we email back and forth, mostly when we’re putting off doing our work and want to look like we’re busy. No, Max, I’m sorry, but despite what my father would say, I don’t think that you’re exactly the one for me.

Who else? Oh! Mr. Radley down the street? Although, I’m not too sure about him. I don’t think that I’m quite his type. He often has bikes parked out side his house. No, not bikes like motorcycles, but bikes like with the hand brakes that the neighborhood boys would ride. Well, I know that he bakes a lot and does make some good lemonade, but let’s just say that I was never invited inside.

Roger, what about you? You’ve got the damaged rocker air about you. And if I’m being honest, my track record does show that I like damaged men. I want to fix them somehow, but I don’t think I could fix you. You’re sweet, and I’d definitely like to drink a lot of tequila with you and make that same mistake over again, but I think I’d rather have you as an affair – not a husband.

So that’s only four, but I can’t count all of the men I’ve come across since I was 16. I do know, however, that if they’re in the past teenage years, it’s probably for a reason and well, if I’m not dating them now, then that’s probably for a reason, too. So from now on, when someone asks me if I’m in a relationship, then the answer is yes. It’s a long distance one because my boyfriend lives in the future and I live in the present.